I’m not even sure how to title this so just going to write. For a while now I’ve been saying to myself, why was it so much “easier” before. I couldn’t necessarily put a timeline of when. Then it shifted to what was I doing differently? The timeline that kept being referenced was when the kids were like 3/4 to say 9/10. My brain was thinking it was easier…
Then I had to figure out, ok WHAT was easier!? Well it seemed like I kept up with the house better, was still working full time AND technically then I had a lot more to do as they didn’t do their own laundry, make own food, always wanted to be entertained… I was honestly confused.
How could I possibly have had more time… did I or was that an illusion?
Then it hit me… the past 2+ years, especially the past 18 months since My husband’s accident I have literally been living between fight or flight with all we have been dealing with. I was literally walking in the door and being overwhelmed before I even got my shoes off because I was telling myself, it all fell on my shoulders, which at times it all did. I truly appreciate an organized, clean space. I find when my space is cluttered and dirty, my mind feels the same. I couldn’t even keep up with that to help me feel better.
The other night I got home, my husband had his leg up but came into the kitchen when I came in. The floors were a disaster… spring with a big dog and grass that I am praying grows quickly this spring! I almost caught myself about to complain or yell at one of the kids to sweep the floor, then I thought just do it… began sweeping and realized it would be much easier vacuuming, so got the vacuum out and happily vacuumed all the floors in our main living area. It felt GREAT!!!
I guess my point is… I feel I’ve cracked open more. I DO have more time by simply doing what needs done vs “planning”, some stuff yes has to be, but the day to day shit… just do it don’t write it down (for me anyway). I write it down, it stresses me out so quickly. Also way more time getting myself off social media. Once I do venture back, I want to ensure I feel 100% confident in ME before opening back up to all of that external energy, AND stay aligned within our space and what’s important to me.
If I would have told myself that morning that after work I “had” to clean the floors, give each of the kids an oil immune boosting and chakra balancing massage, family member stopped in for a visit, dinner with husband and the kids, costco order, goodness me order, new spring kids clothes and footwear, shower, fill all diffusers, and… I was happily in bed at 9! If I had written this all down, I can almost guarantee the ego would have jumped in and said whoa you can’t do all this, when will you get to bed, and just like that I would have had myself completely psyched out!
The mind is a powerful thing, when used appropriately!
Ah the title!
On the weekend, my husband went to pick up our son from work. I went into the kitchen, I had thought to get a glass of water, suddenly I realized I was half way through making our energy balls. That I literally threw all ingredients into the smaller ninja attachment and had the dough made, balls rolled and in the fridge, everything rinsed down in less than 30 min…
Again, if I had sat down and thought about what I would need to do, the various steps of the recipe… I probably wouldn’t have made them. I am embracing living in the now, just BEing!