As I was climbing into bed, shortly after 815pm, I looked out the window and realized my timing was just perfect. 🥰
As I work to clear emotions, I have a lot coming up. Much of which is showing gratitude to my caring heart during earlier times as an empath this can be exhausting.
One thing that hit me this weekend is a reframe with our kids. During the past two years they were forced to get even more independent, not by choice either. It weighed heavy on me with every single email or call from the school about what was changing and if in school or online learning etc. We stopped listening to the news, it’s very toxic (and bought and paid for). The guilt trip of them being home, was heavy. I’m grateful I could be flexible with times when needed, when they needed me.
Suddenly, they didn’t need mom to do this or that anymore. It was a very uncertain time, times actually as it was off and on. The past two years, well I’m glad I take photos any moment I can because, the last two years was a blur. Straight up.
Although our babies aren’t babies anymore, it’s slightly surreal. I continue to love every single stage with them. Also that they still are so inquisitive and question. When they were younger, yes it felt annoying at that time. My mind was “busy” and full, and hurt. I know now the important of Self care, true self care, not shopping or nails, like going deep with yourself. I welcome them to question, I now question so much more myself.
One thing that makes me feel really good is clean sheets! The spring like weather was beautiful inspiration to get all of our beds freshened up this weekend! The kids maybe don’t need me for everything anymore… (um mom hello embrace this, they are learning responsibilities and um you don’t have to do it 😂!!!) BUT what I can do for them… something that as a teen and even heck as an adult it’s not always top of my list (laundry), but especially sheets, easy to forget. I can help them with and still do for them. Making their beds completely, clean sheets and blankets. Makes me feel cozy thinking of it!
Admittedly… it’s too fucking easy to allow your mind to talk shit to you… simply thinking of “all I have to do”. I’ve learned, the best way for my brain to function with less anxiety is to write down the things I needed to do, for the next day, that evening as intentions. When I write them as intentions on the evening or day before, this seems to have a different effect on my brain than if I were to write a “to-do” list that morning. That, even just thinking of a to-do list, I feel a slight tightness in my chest.
Today we accomplished…
- GF Bread Loaf – still in trials 😬
- Energy balls
- Kombutcha tea batch made 😍
- Kombutcha flavoured batch bottled
- Made batch of home made Goat Cheese
- Alot of relaxing
- Home office time
- Family visit
- Bed shortly after 8pm to write 🙏
If I would have wrote all of these tasks down for the day, half would not have been completed. My brain would have been overwhelmed.
Going with the flow. Being in the moment. I had a perfect opportunity to do each of our bedrooms each on specific days for separate reasons, it worked perfect for me to actually commit to the task and do it, among many other things I did yesterday that I hadn’t planned, AND have time for me. LOL Yes, this for many reasons is the reason. The more I am me, the more I am in the flow. The more I am in the flow, the more productive I am. The more I am me, in the flow, productive, the more I am happy and authentic.
The mom I want to embody for my kids. Real life, as an empath. Yes, feeling this much may not be for everyone, lol you do need to be careful, guard your heart, your energy. Simply being IN the moment and trusting whatever is happening, that I need to find a lesson to learn something for it… the more I say yes to me, the easier it has been to communicate. The mom who loves unconditionally, but will always have chores expectations, more hands make light work!
I also, always start all of our bedtime diffusers at night. When they were little, we did oils every night, Snuggled up in bed. Thank you covid for the extra push for my kids to grow up… 😢 I will always oil my babies backs up whenever they now ask, but for everyday we do bedtime diffusers!!!
- On Guard – Protection
- Tea Tree – Energetic Boundaries
- Petitgrain – Ancestry
- Breathe – Breath
With this spring equinox… what are you able to release, who are you able to forgive, how are you able to move forward into authenticity?
We can be our BEST self, when we lean into our hearts, authentically who we are deep down, our ethics, values, our dedication to our own healing journey. Remembering everyone’s journey is unique, everyone has varying levels of healing physically and emotionally. Especially if there have been any illnesses or injuries. TO OUR OWN TRUTHS!
Which has just helped connect… the distinct block that was being felt between my upper and lower chakras. That I was able to break through this week. I now understand the disconnect even better now! Back to when I was 18, before my surgery.
Most of all, I want their kids to know their mama isn’t “perfect”, first off I set my own standards so that’s why this does not matter! Saying someone is perfect is judging them based on someone else’s standards. I am me, I will be the best person I can be, but I will have ups and downs, just like they will, just like their dad will, just like everyone does. ♥️
I am so grateful our kids have been so understanding at times. The weekend my husband had his 2nd surgery (YouTube video about how all of that helped trap emotions in my body, which caused intense physical pain), I came home from dropping him off and the kids and I went in the garden, I was also, I admit, using it as a way to blow off some steam as this was AFTER we found out the 2nd surgery was temporary and he would be most likely coming home with 6 weeks of antibiotics through an IV 3 times a day 😣! I was forcefully weeding the garden, yes with the collarbone pain that had already started as well. Holy shit looking back, I was a bit of a shit show. My brain is very much still healing from all of this.
I came into the house, the kids were making something in the kitchen, I’m pretty sure they were making dinner for them and me, when I told them I was having pain in my lower back and would need to lay down. I came in, laid down and could not get back up. The pain I was in was intense. Which then made the mom guilt absolutely horrible. Then, I couldn’t tell my husband, because that would just make him feel worse, because he’s in the fucking hospital again and can’t do anything and now more unknowns (yes he also felt this frustration), it just sucked. Thankfully my kids could bring me food and water. My son helped me roll over so I could get out and hobble to the bathroom. My saving grace was we had inhome massages booked for the Monday already, obviously his was cancelled cause he still wasn’t home, but I was able to get my SI joint released and I could move again!
I’m grateful my kids know mommy can’t and won’t do it all. Neither does dad. They have seen us vulnerable, age appropriate obviously. They have heard us talk about how we have tried or think we have to, putting expectations on ourselves even, which can be sometimes impossible to reach. I’m grateful they know feelings – the various wide range of feelings, are SO fucking real. REAL LIFE feelings that if you don’t deal with, you will one day be forced to. Feelings that, if need to be released or forgiven can feel like weights literally being lifted off.
I am SO grateful my kids know and understand it’s OK to ask for help, and have real life examples around them ❤
Our kids may not need me to make every meal, wash their clothes, do their hair, choose their clothes, etc etc… but they will always need me to show them the importance of being a real human being! Feelings and all. If we were completely truthful they would have seen a wide variety of emotions the past year and a half. Because they experienced alot themselves as well.
I’m grateful our kids know and see, that healing takes time, it’s NOT an easy road at all sometimes. This can require alot of patience, understanding and Unconditional Love, even if at the time you may not in that exact moment like the person (whoever it may be). Within the 2 years, the year and a half has been our greatest life shift and life lesson.
Plus… I will always be happy to make your bed and fill your diffuser!
(Especially because for some time… for each of us, this was our comfort area, where alot of time has been spent. Which was ok, I can now release that memory… that we were in protection/grieving/healing mode, it was ok!)