One thing that has been confirmed over and over for me, especially these past 17 months, is that I must let GO of expectations for myself and other people.
Without a worry of what anyones opinion might be for me. At the end of the day, its ME. In alignment with who my soul truly is. Not worrying of anyone else outside of the walls of our home. To some this may seem cold, but truthfully, for years my energy has been all over the place, for so many people.
Its time to call it ALL in home. To pull in, to honor my heart and soul. My truth. My words. My heart.
During my husbands healing journey, it was a challenging time, but also a time of deep, hard, growth. I was reminded many times over, when I would think of someone or want to help or fix whatever their situation might be. That’s not my job. At all.
It was slightly eye opening of that time. There were people who reached out and wanted the details. Then… barely, or if ever, heard from them again. I get it peoples lives are busy, much like ours used to be. It can be almost too “easy” to forget about what others might be living through, without a concern for their true overall wellbeing.
The piviotal point for me was during his journey, if something happened to someone else I could see/feel my energy being directed elsewhere, yet we had our own “thing” we needed to focus on – this is when it hit me – straight up, false relationships based on image have zero interest to me. I can feel compassion for someone without allowing my energy to be sucked up. If I cannot fix something, I can express kindness, compassion and simply move on.
I truly do appreciate family and friends, many of which we have seen true colours and I thank them. I truly do. Some have really risen up in big ways – not that they had to for us – they have for themselves which is truly amazing. This past 17 mths has taught me and reminded me how absolutely crucial it is for me to protect my energy and honor it first.
Could I have appreciated this lesson in another way, hell yeah. Cause receiving a phone call telling me that my husband “fell off the roof”… Im still actively working on clearing this – which also has ties to phone calls I am realizing.
- Infertility dr appointments etc
- When I received the call that my dads best friend had been killed in a motorcycle accident. He was like a 2nd father to me and truthfully it took years before I could think of him without bawling.
- My grandfather passing in the middle of the night.
- My brother falling off a ladder and in critical care with a serious brain injury.
- My co-worker and her mother being killed in a horrible car accident and the police calling late at night to try and find a way to identify as they found our card in the vehicle.
- My brother being in a vehicle accident late at night.
- My husband falling off a roof. Then following that multiple calls from his surgeon etc over many months.
- Then add in the normal mom stuff and phone calls about kids for daycare or school.
My nervous system had literally been living in fight or flight for so many years.
The release… feels good. Not selfish in any way. After all, I cannot pour from an empty cup!