I did something for me a few weeks ago, that I told only my family about. Its truthfully not something I need to be known but this is a good example of what I tend to do when I sink back into myself.
I LOVE photography. Always have for as long as I can remember. My first 45mm camera, it was a pink/purplish colour. My first digital camera – which was like a brick and the quality was pretty crappy. But I learned, I took the time and taught myself. I leaned in to what I wanted to capture – yet I remember my first DSLR.
My first DSLR, Canon Rebel XT, was a major purchase for me and one that I did while on maternity leave with our son approx 1 month before I found out I was pregnant with our daughter. Our son was 9 months old. Although I loved my camera and was grateful that I saved up the $1300 to buy it I didn’t celebrate that part of it. I allowed other people’s voices in my head – specifically at a local mom’s get together when I pulled it out… I heard the judgmental remarks about “I wonder what that cost”, “what is wrong with a normal camera”, “really she needs that”.
In 2012 when I purchased my “big” camera I also heard the judgment remarks. Yup I spent over $4,000 on this camera. Full frame Canon 5DMIII – its not only a beautiful camera, its still proudly displayed on my shelf and used all year round.
Something inside of me was pulling for a new camera body… I then found I was being judgmental of myself – why?! Why do you need a new camera body? You spent thousands on the one you have you don’t need another. Yet I still felt this desire and would look here and there.
Truthfully, photography means a lot to me. Not just the fact that memories are captured, but being IN the moment, feeling the emotion and then once I import the photos realizing how unbelievably wonderful they turned out, although in the moment I could be quite hard on myself for “missing the shot”.
This morning I started my day quite early, just shortly before 5am. I initially thought I should go back to sleep but then remembered I woke up for a reason. As I went through my own routine – which I am learning is not and does not have to be like anyone else – regardless of who you or they are. A natural rhythm “routine” of simply going with the flow eventually led me to my den in my cozy chair and blanket to my computer to allow words to flow. After posting in my Chakra Mastery Academy, working on healing our sacral chakra which includes acknowledging and honoring any past sexual traumas I naturally gravitated to my new camera.
Yes that’s right… my NEW Camera that I bought a few weeks ago and have literally just gotten my toes wet with. A couple weeks ago we went for a drive on our side by side, I grabbed my new camera to bring along to test it out in nature. We got home and I put it up on the shelf. Admittedly change can bring some resistance. This new camera, although the same brand, Canon, is a mirrorless full frame. What I love about it is, I had originally been looking at and thinking if I got a mirrorless I would need the same build as my 5DMIII as I adore shooting full frame.
Then I found the Canon RP. Yup there is a learning curve because the controls are different. I know this has slightly held me back from truly experiencing it. I very much went through my research as I do before any big purchase. Compared my 5DMIII as well as the 6DMII and the 5DMIV – I knew I wanted to keep it very affordable and what also was appealing with the Canon RP is the features are very similar to my 5DMIII with a bit better low light capability AND this camera came with the adapter… SO all the lens I have, I will be able to use with my new body! Super cool 🙂
This morning, as I downloaded the images from a couple weeks ago and began going through them… my heart began bursting wide open… and trust my decision!
When I saw this… ❤ Like tiny little diamond star bursts all over the beautiful water and up in the sky.
Little diamonds in the rough… breaking through. Kind of like me and how I am choosing to break through and break free of past traumas and hurts that previously were buried for years.
Definition of diamond in the rough
: one having exceptional qualities or potential but lacking refinement or polish.
You are worthy, you are talented, you are incredible, you have a reason you are here and no matter what anyone else says or does… BE YOU! Fully and completely through your heart and to your core. Get ready to watch yourself bloom.
A few more photos from that day…