In my life I have experienced many different surgeries, over a span of approx 12 years. One of my surgeries I had, was during a very challenging time in my life and our marriage. There has been a lot of healing not only for my own physical health with those surgeries, emotional health but also our relationship is the strongest its ever been, thankfully.
A little over a week ago, we were thrown a curveball in life. My husband, best friend, co-parent, co-worker had an accident. I am so unbelievably thankful he is “ok”. I feel like I felt every emotion that I could on that day, first receiving the phone call, then literally fighting to see my husband at the hospital, to getting conflicting information (both he and I) at the city hospital and then finally being able to see him when I picked him up 4 days later…
Emotionally I was spent, completely. Sunday, I can admit I barely functioned and was quite content sitting on the couch or in bed. After being told one thing and then another, my emotions got the best of me and I completely felt triggered. Back to that very challenging time during my life and our marriage. A time when we weren’t sure if we would make it or not and I had just come home from the hospital from one of my surgeries. This trigger on top of the emotions I felt that day my husband fell, as I waited literally for over 4 hours in the hall of the hospital pleading with the doctors and nurses to just be able to SEE my husband, to see for myself and know he is going to be ok. This happened just a few weeks from the “anniversary” of 12 yrs ago when my brother fell and was in critical condition in the hospital for a while. A time when we as a family could thankfully gather to support each other, not just at home but also at the city hospital.
The reality of health care during covid is isolation, loneliness and very little compassion, especially towards the loved ones. Yes my husband is an adult, an adult who had an accident and was drugged up for pain in the hospital not allowed to see anyone.
Remember when we used to walk into the doctors office and there was a sign that as a patient its your right to have someone with you at an appointment. Yup that right no longer exists as a patient or a loved one/spouse. Could you even begin to imagine if this was a senior with dementia or Alzheimer’s!? How is this fair!?
I literally pleaded with the doctors and nurses, was told I had to wait in the hall I was not allowed in the emergency room or in his room because of these protocols. If he was under 18, I would have been allowed. The emergency room was not busy whatsoever. So there I sat in the hall “waiting room” of our local hospital in tears for hours. Finally able to communicate with my husband after the sedation wore off via our cell phones. After over 4 hours the doctor came out again to update me, this time he said he “negotiated with the nurses to get me 15 minutes with him before he was sent to Guelph for surgery”. I didn’t hesitate jumping up and running in to see him. Being able to see him, touch him and instantly began sharing Reiki energy on his neck and chest. Sadly, I felt little respect as a spouse/loved one, any quesitons I asked to the nurse were ignored and directed to my husband, until I finally said ok so if he is being transported down the same transportation will bring him back then, that’s when the nurse finally looked at me and said “oh no you will have to pick him up when he is released, but you are not able to go down until then”. I prompted to get him out of his work clothes, something they were not going to do, why keep someone in clothing that would be uncomfortable especially when he would be heading to a bigger hospital for surgery.
Is this really the future of our healthcare system!? Someone has an emergency/accident and their spouse is disrespected and ignored like this?! Yes he received care, yes that’s priority, however every single person deserves to have a loved one with them for medical care. Everyone, no matter their age or what happened and for the love of god, especially in a situation like this.