“It is not the critic who counts. Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit actually belongs to the man who is ACTUALLY IN THE ARENA. Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. Who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcoming. But who does actually strive to do the deeds who knows great enthusiasms. The great devotions. Who spends himself in a worthy cause who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
Brene Brown’s ‘Call To Courage’ which debuted on Netflix April 19th is an hour and 19 minutes well spent for all ages. She started out quoting Theodore Roosevelt, above. As a shame researcher I learned from Brene that shame is when you are in a room of people you like, you walk out and they say so many horrible things about you that you cannot walk back into that room. Ive experienced that shame. Its very real and very hurtful. Brene validated feelings of shame when the internet is a cesspool of hurtful and shameful people.
I learned from Brene… Be brave and take chances. Vulnerability is having the courage to show up when you have no control. Unless you too are in the arena bettering yourself – I am not interested in your opinion – in general and of me and my life.
Don’t grab the hurtful stuff from the cheap seats – criticism and feedback from people who are not authentic and true to themselves.
We obviously care about what other people think, because we are hardwired to care – however we can be selective of who you care about and surround yourself with people who love you for who you are – no matter what. Show up and be brave.
Rejection, shame and loneliness is how you feel when someone will not connect with you – this is when the story telling begins. We create a story in our head of why or what the other person is thinking. Be real and be honest.
If you want to have more love, joy and happiness in your life you need to allow yourself to be more vulnerable. Let yourself be seen, be vulnerable. Many people think its better to just put up armour to protect. The problem with this is when you put up armour, you feed into a way of negative thinking and being. Where shame, fear, grief and scarcity is born from.
I love how Brene explains that we are hardwired for belonging. The opposite of belonging is “fitting in”, which lets be honest, when you fit in with the crowd you ignore or push aside true parts of you. Belonging is about belonging to yourself first and being who you truly are – which is vulnerable.
Brene talked about how Joy can be the most vulnerable of our emotions. I know Ive felt it, everything can be going along so amazingly well and you begin thinking “uh oh what is going to happen next…” and you loose out on truly enjoying that joy feeling. We loose the joy feeling and allow fear to creep in. With fear we typically then begin to dress rehearse tragedy. We need to lean into gratitude, truly be grateful for what and who we have in our life. Gratitude can also be vulnerable. When we are grateful for someone or something, there is still a chance they could be taken from us (loving someone and losing them). This is how when we are truly grateful, we can also understand loss. Being grateful, is healing.
Cherish the everyday moments. This is one thing I absolutely cherish in my own life. When the kids were young I took countless photos of them just being kids. As they have gotten older, this is one thing I have missed, however they now have new moments to appreciate and capture. There were so many moments on the snowmobile trails this winter that I took a memory photo to remember. Otherwise we would have been stoping every 5 minutes. A bucket list goal of mine to get out with my camera on the trails, safely!
Brene talked about ‘just choosing joy’. Effort and taking a chance. Be open to empathy, trust, innovation, creativity, inclusivity, hard conversations, feed back, problem solving, ethical decision making. If you arent vulnerable there is no creativity.
If you feel very strongly about something, don’t stay quiet. We have a lot of learning to do, at all ages. Also mistakes, navigating blind spots. I loved how she used the term blind spots. It’s so true. We “plan” our lives but then quickly learn that our plans might be a good idea, its going to unfold how it’s meant to, for whatever reason!?
If you expect yourself and others around you to be perfect, there is no room for error or vulnerability, change will not happen. Brene, so simple and brilliant, talk to people, not about them.
One statement that stood out for me, ‘Brave Leaders Are Never Silent Around Hard Things!’
This really stood out to me as I have been very conscious about living and being truly Authentic. This means living in a much higher state of truth than I ever have before and also yes, raising my standards of life.
Brene Brown shared her list of Myths:
Brene’s Myth’s of Vulnerability
1. Vulnerability is weakness
2. I don’t do vulnerability
3. I can go at it alone
4. You can engineer the uncertainty and discomfort out of vulnerability
5. Trust comes before vulnerability
6. Vulnerability is exposure
“Sometimes winning is doing the really brave thing. When you are brave you win all the time”
Seriously check out Brene Brown’s Call To Courage on Netflix!
I really enjoyed watching Brene’s show this morning. It was uplifting, reassuring, heart warming and funny. I had alot of take aways, as you can see above. I totally get her message. She is definitely not saying to air everything you do on social media, especially when it comes to being negative. It’s so easy, and honestly scary, how negative some people can be and how quickly and easily it happens. Social media, as Brene Brown described it as a cesspool of hurtful, shameful people. Its unfortunately sad that there is so many. So it’s really being conscious about reaching up and living with purpose, whatever that is. What lights you up, who do you enjoy being around, what type of people do you want to work with (co-workers and customers). We all can attract in who and what we need.
We’ve been learning alot about being vulnerable within our family and home. Anyone else into renovations?! I can honestly say I would not go back and change a thing. It has taught us SO much. About our beautiful house, ourselves and each other. We have custom designed our home with what we want and need, our desires. However one thing we have learned by being vulnerable is that change is not always easy. It can feel overwhelming and messy, not just renovation messy but house messy. It’s not because I dont want a clean house, I totally do. I’ve learned that renovations pull me into almost of a constant vulnerable state until completion. Everything is shifted around somehow. Which means other places in our home is more cluttered than normal. I am so excited as we approach the end, especially because everything will have a home. We can finished getting organized in a very big way, which is huge for us and convenience and ease for our family is going to sky rocket! I am loving the look and for months have been able to see the vision! To see it coming to life, even better than we had imagined or designed! Its amazing, my friends, how we can grow as people during challenging times! I’m certainly not the same person I was before we started this reno journey and I am grateful for the person I am today. Even more grateful, appreciative, patient, caring, loving, communicative and alot more authentic! Once complete I will be sharing the incredible transformation and what made it so worth my own vulnerability! 😍