The Sinking Ship

A few weeks ago I got hit quite hard emotionally.

I literally felt like the breath had been taken out of me and my legs from under me.

When hit emotionally/mentally sometimes we do not even realize the true impact until we can feel ourselves [finally] coming out of it.

This weekend was just that for me.

After a few weeks of feeling sunk – which now is a completely different feeling than years before. Now feeling sunk for me was still taking my supplements (vitamins, minerals and omega) daily, weekly yoga – although that first week I will be honest I skipped yoga but went back the following 2 weeks, using my oils multiple times per day, letting the dishes, laundry and cleaning slip to later on my list and just honoring ME and what I need in that exact moment – even if that means sitting on the couch watching tv!

Unfortunately what feeling sunk is still for me was emotional eating… one thing Ive battled with for well over 20 years. Like a yo-yo at times. The past few weeks I reached for my “comfort”… tv and snacks. Albeit they were healthy – I was waking up multiple times in the night some nights with a stomach ache and just feeling blah.

With our to-do list literally looming over our heads but simply not having any energy whatsoever to even think of hitting that list or even staying caught up on the daily “to-do”. Its incredible how our lives can be affected in so many ways.

This weekend, I could feel myself pulling out. Ive hit lows before – Ive pulled out many times before. I am beginning to recognize and honor myself – to be ok with letting things sit for as long as I need them to. For asking for help and being ok with being vulnerable. For admitting things aren’t great and I may need some time and knowing its ok to say no.

This weekend I put everything else aside. We put our family and our home 1st and damn did it feel good. But the key thing… I was ready. I was ready to pull out of the funk and pour focus where it truly needed to be.

I allowed myself Friday night to rest and plan. I knew the weekend – if I followed through with my plans – was going to be FULL and I needed to start with a fresh mind.

What happened different for me?!

I truly believe the full day mindset workshop I did with Helen Murray last Monday helped in so many ways. From the day of that workshop I have since meditated daily – sometimes more than once a day. I have picked up my journal and wrote. I have picked up my book and even if just a few pages – Ive read. Ive gone to bed early even to just lay in bed and be still and silent. Ive been mindful.

Ive been mentally preparing for the shift that has needed to happen in our home that honestly for years has been so incredibly daunting to me.

These past few weeks pulled me back, pulled me a bit more into focus where I needed to be at the time for support, but also pulled me back to help me re-evaluate what I thought I needed/wanted to bring into focus of what I truly needed to fall into place.

Ive been planning our office/spare bedroom reno for a while… Honestly if you asked my husband how many times Ive moved furniture in that room he would just roll his eyes. Its been a room that has been a work in progress but also a “catch all” for so many years, especially during all the rest of the house renovations πŸ˜‰

Im honestly so proud of myself that I could recognize my need for time – to listen to my mind and body, to recognize the signs and call myself out on what I was doing that I knew was not good for my mind or body. To also honor that although I want to just “fix” it, I can only do what is within my control. What is within my control is myself and my home.

So this weekend that was our focus… creating the most amazing home office, spare bedroom and Zen space that there ever could be! Taking the ‘old’ and making it new again to re-purpose into exactly what was unfolding to be. Not only did I get the room completely emptied of “stuff”, hubby took my existing wall desk unit and dismantled it to give it new life with paint while I smudged the room to clear any negative energy and then painted it to create our new blank canvas! In one day the room was emptied, primed, 1 coat of paint and the office furniture all completely primed. The next day I woke up and started some banana bread baking (with the very ripe banana’s that the previous me would have just say f it and thrown them out) and finished painting while the bread was baking. Hubs put the final coat on the furniture and its almost ready to assemble in our newly improved room which will be focused on organization and peace! I am excited to share the before and after – if you are on insta go check out the before and in between! This was a huge accomplishment for me…

Even at times in our life when it feels like the ship is sinking… there is something that you need to release and let go to bring yourself back afloat. But honor that in you. Don’t force it. Don’t push yourself to be where you think you should be – you will get there and honor your time in doing so.

This hit me while painting our room this weekend… It suddenly came to me that I haven’t had this push, this drive in a while. I had been putting off our spare bedroom for years and even while feeling at a low point in life – I felt myself pull back. Almost like an elastic… being pulled back and back, suddenly I [finally] felt catapulted forward where I needed to be. With peace and reassurance that its OK to focus on me and my family – because one day everything else will fall back into place as it should be.

Ships Sink 20180728-IMG_0033.jpg

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