When it all begins to make sense…

Chatting with a friend the other day, I made a comment about how our next reno phase had begun and her immediate response (in a loving way of course) was wow another one!?

I began responding without even thinking about HOW I was going to respond. I just began typing.

We’ve all been affected in some way in our lives by negative shit. Negative things, people, experiences etc that affect our life. Whatever these negative things are can sometimes rise up over time being triggered by a date on the calendar, the weather outside, a remark made by someone, a song on the radio, a tv show, a phone call, picking up the mail or our physical space.

Ive become stronger over the years, not allowing shit from the past to steal joy from my life these days. However there are times when these “joy thief’s” creep in and begin to wreak havoc on me and my emotions.

As I began to type my message back to my dear friend, I began to tell her the importance these home renovations are on me and for me. Its not material in any way. It not to ‘keep up with the Jone’s” it’s to create OUR space that’s unique to us and is filled with happy energy and memories.

I never felt settled in our first or second house. Something felt off. We didn’t stay long in either home. Even though in our first home we also did massive renovations to make it ours. Our 2nd home, although beautiful, wasn’t us at all.

We purposely bought this house for the incredible potential WE as individuals and as a family felt when we walked into it and knew were going to bring to it. Change isn’t easy for me and I had to wrap my head around the layout, be ok with taking a leap of faith while thinking of the future. Being purposeful with our purchase and valuing the space.

While reading her response of ‘wow under construction again’… I began typing from my heart. My head had absolutely no clue what I was writing. Even after I wrote it, I re-read it and literally said “Ahhhh that makes so much sense”.

Sometimes to move past emotional and physical pain it requires us to push ourselves harder – outside of our comfort zone of what we know and is easy. To push beyond what we think we need to do, to what actually needs to happen.

When we moved here, although I and we (as individuals and a couple) had negative energy from the past, we both felt the potential, we felt the love. Within weeks of moving here in the summer of 2011 my hubby came home with a new CD and played the song, Remind Me by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood.

[Brad] Been so long that you’d forget
The way I used to kiss your neck
[Carrie] Remind me, remind me
[Brad] So on fire so in love
Way back when we couldn’t get enough
[Carrie] Remind me, remind me

We and perhaps more so I, could envision the future of what could be and surprising for some people its absolutely not materialistic. I envisioned a large kitchen with a large island where as a family we could all gather around cooking, eating, doing homework, laughing and building our family memories in a space we created with our hearts and minds.

Could we have done this in the original house by merely painting the walls – we did, for years. But it wasn’t us. It wasn’t what my heart was speaking to me. It wasn’t what I felt was best for our family.

Energy is pretty incredible. Our spaces absorb the energy of us and anyone who has ever entered our home. Everything in our space, things and people need to be a direct representation of US and who we are and who we want to be. When you’ve had shit go down in your life, sometimes it can feel daunting, you feel lost, alone, broken, worthless, but that’s the joy thief talking.

To often we allow these joy thief’s to not only impact OUR life but also our family’s life as well. Those people who wronged me/us, maybe they do live with regret, perhaps they couldn’t careless. Would it change my life to get an apology – perhaps, however it certainly wouldn’t undo anything and even life circumstances wouldn’t change. Life lessons happen for a reason for us to grow and become stronger and better, rising above those who have wronged us.

In chatting with my friend I realized now more than ever how amazing this growth journey in these past 6.5 years of living here in this house has been for me and for us as a family.

So now as this next reno is actually beginning to wrap up this week, and we have another on the horizon I am filled with gratitude – for our home, for my husband, for my children and for myself. This reno journey has been our best one yet, its pushed us incredibly hard, harder than we’ve ever been pushed, we’ve grown a lot. Every single one of us. We’ve been reminded of what is truly important and have taken our time to ensure our plans are exactly what we need them to be as we create a space and energy for our future and our family.

When it all begins to make sense and all the pieces fit together perfectly… ❀

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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