What are you hiding from yourself?

Any mom’s out feel like someday’s you’ve lost your mind?
I remember when our son was a baby, my hubby worked for himself, I was on mat leave from work but still had some part time duties and my body suddenly figured out how to get pregnant without medical intervention…
I had to become OK with not being ok and letting things “go”… challenging for a Virgo! We welcomed our baby girl and I suddenly had two under 18 months, a house hold, hubby in school and and and…
My biggest mistake I can now admit… was not admitting I was not ok. By hiding behind my emotions and feelings. By not being honest about how I was truly feeling and continuing to say ‘Its OK’ when it truly wasn’t. I paid too much attention to pleasing others, worrying about what other people think or what they needed, what their problems were and how I could solve them – but I wasn’t helping me.
What are you hiding from yourself?
The mental load is burning women out!
I consider myself lucky, I have a partner to raise our children with, he is an amazing dad, he loves us, he loves me, he loves each of the kids, he works hard, he helps around the house, he cooks, does his own laundry – yet I still have that running ‘to-do’ list of “family” or “house” things always running through my mind. It truly is exhausting.
My own reality check was the start of the summer 2017.
After having a dry basement for the entire 6 years we had lived in our house, our basement flooded. After we literally JUST finished completely re-doing the entire basement in March. I had let my feelings of overwhelm control me and much of the organizing to-do list was neglected and completely unorganized. We were already in a cycle of feeling stressed and overwhelmed because we had to get organized. I was honestly contemplating hiring a professional organizer it was feeling that daunting.
This summer was my own reality check… Why? because it was completely out of our control. Another challenge for me πŸ˜‰
For years we’ve been go, go, go, put alot of important things – to us – on the back burner. Truth be told I also had a LOT of healing to do that I had continually pushed off. Stuff and a jam packed calendar is incredibly overwhelming for me. Alot of the “stuff” held emotional connection that was no longer benefiting me and the decision to “let go” was now out of my control and made for me.
After dealing with infertility many people would think getting pregnant would make everything in the world better. For part of my world it did, it was my dream to be a mom, one that I was told may not ever happen. Then another amazing blessing happened and our daughter was born. Absolutely incredible, our family was complete. But I cannot (now) hide how emotionally difficult this was for me and how it carried along in my life.
Emotionally I was hit incredibly hard. Healing from infertility, trying to get a grip on what the hell PCOS and Hypothyroidism was and how to deal, raising two babies not even 18 months apart while hubby was in school and working getting his footing in his new job within my family business, while I was on mat leave with our babies and my health was completely wonky. I kept myself busy and didn’t truly deal with the healing I so desperately needed.
I will never forget the day my hubby came home from work and I was in tears again… and I told him something is wrong I need to go see the doctor. The solution from the doctor was that I needed an anti-depressant. For many years I was on this and still did not feel “ME”. However, I fell within all “normal ranges” and I was “fine” according to the medical community. I however, knew something wasn’t right.
We bought, what we would make our “dream home”, in the summer of 2011. However with life, I still had healing to do before I could be ok with the major reno’s that we had planned. Change isn’t always easy and so we just continued living our busy life.
In February 2015 I took the leap and invested in myself. After using our doTERRA essential oils for just over 6 months I began on our lifelong vitality supplements. It was incredible the difference I felt in my body. I could come home from work and still have energy to get things done around the house AND have fun with the kids. I was feeling so good in fact that I was feeling more confident that I in fact didn’t need anti-depressants, what my body truly needed was proper supplementation and nutrition… I began weaning off my anti-depressants very, very slowly and have been completely medication free (anti-depressant, hypothyroidism and PCOS) since the fall of 2016 and now in my best health yet!
In late 2015 we decided to finally GO and begin the transformation in our house… Adding the oils and supplements was life changing for me and helped me be “ready” for the upcoming change. First beginning with a complete overhaul of our basement. Long story short, with every room we discovered a major challenge – this also began to take a tole on all of us. Emotionally and physically. But we did it!

It was beautiful. Our kids were so happy, we were happy to have the additional space knowing that it was also safe for our family and our new kitchen and flooring was even underway upstairs, everything finally felt like it was happening in our favour… until that morning of June 23rd at 530am when our family was woke to a flooded basement.

Without a doubt, our situation was not the worse in our community. Thankfully our son woke up when he did as that truly saved a lot more damage that could have happened. Thankfully it was almost the start of summer.

However I was once again hit very hard emotionally.

We had saved for a lot of years for this transformation and in a matter of hours it was ruined. It was incredibly heavy on me. Yes we had insurance to cover it, however we were starting almost from scratch again!

Reading this article below, very much hit home for me. Because this incredible “load” hit me very hard this summer.

What this has taught us is even more important… the three biggest things:
  1. We have each other ❀
  2. Communication is KEY!
  3. Stuff is simply that!

We kept the communication realistic for our children’s ages but also real. After what was supposed to be a simple reno downstairs we happily took on ourselves (because it was to be simple) turned chaotic, expensive and stressful. Hubs and I were stressed and admittedly not communicating as we should of been. One evening completely changed that when we both admitted how incredibly difficult this was on each of us individually. We became a strong team again.

We sat down as a family the one night and I was very real with needing and wanting their help in the house from everyone and how hard it was on me. When we finished talking, without even asking the kids jumped up, cleared the table and began cleaning up the kitchen. It was huge. Like a big breath of fresh air and exactly what we needed as a family. By sticking together we could get through it – again!

As we wind down 2017 with the Christmas holiday season approaching I reflected on how strong we’ve already become emotionally and physically. Being vulnerable and open to learning and letting go, sometimes new things, new ways. By facing challenges and difficult situations openly and honestly to grow. To continue strengthening our health and embracing a clutter free life! For challenging myself and achieving healthy weight loss goals! For putting our emotional well-being as a priority.

At my kids school the one night before Christmas holidays, my daughter was showing me one of her projects… The kids had to write things about themselves. My daughters started off with being an artist and an animal expert, how much she loves foxes and a few other things. She then wrote ‘I still cry about my dead dog’ and ‘I understand my cat has to die’.

We’ve spoken about our family dog Elwood, many times over the years and although at times she would mention she misses him but it would be left at that. Our cat’s health is perfect according to her bloodwork, however has a neurological challenge which is aging her. On our way home I asked my daughter about what she wrote. “I was only 3 I barely remember Elwood, we moved here and we got Becker… A lot happened that year Mommy!”. Yes these 3 changes were both stressful, sad, happy and exciting. To a 3 year old… they were massive to deal with emotionally and ones that still were being held because she didn’t really understand how to process it.

Relationships, routines and downtime is important to our kids – just like us. I reminded her she can always talk about how she is feeling to myself or her dad or another family member or friend she is comfortable talking to. Good advice for anyone!

Over the holidays we had time as a family, relax, get more organized and open up our space by purging more things! Its been exactly what we’ve needed – and that’s completely ok!

What are you hiding from yourself?
What are you hiding from your loved ones?
What do you need the most right now?
What if you were a bit more vulnerable to talk more openly
about how you are feeling?

I challenge you to sit down and be honest with yourself of your true satisfaction in these 12 areas of your life: Love Relationships, Friendships, Adventure, Environment, Health & Fitness, Spirituality, Intellectual, Skills, Career, Creativity, Family and Community.

To live your best life – what changes do you need to make.
Yes! We all have something we can work on and improve.
What are you hiding from yourself?
Where is your heart leading you?
If you could make any change what would it be?

As we’ve moved out of theΒ  Christmas Holiday Season I also challenge you, presence over “presents” for your loved ones for 2018. Capture some amazing memories with your camera and perhaps for the first time in a while, slow down and enjoy the gift of time!

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