We Felt Conflict

I’m pretty excited! 🤗

We still have a few awesome summer weekends planned with the kids!!!

Our kitchen is just about done, completely usable and I am LOVING it!!!

Our basement is coming together on the schedule I was personally aiming for!!!

I’m ordering my supplements for our team cleanse in September, AND

Hubs and I get to spend almost an entire week together… at Convention!!!

It hasn’t always felt this exciting.

For a few months I was feeling very defeated and down. Even the simplest things were very heavy. In a place where it was very hard to even think of, ok what’s next?

Honestly thinking, ‘why can’t we just catch a break’. Enough of the BS over the years, we just want to live a happy and simple life.

I get it people have a variety of challenges in their lives.

For each of us everything is different.

For me this was becoming a heavy weight, on all of us in our family. The renovation was over a year, well over a year and a half actually.

I am so happy to say that we are nearing the end of our renovations!

Our renos will be done in 2017! LOL

It’s been almost 2 years for our whole home renovation – but we’ve put the most important things first – taking the time to spend weekends together as a family.

Hubs and I have become SO much closer. That evening I admitted to him, ‘this has been so crazy hard on me I’m not sure how much more I can take’. It was like a weight lifted. Especially when he said he was feeling the same way. Why the hell couldn’t I have just admitted this sooner.

For whatever reason I didn’t. Neither did he.

We felt conflict.

We could feel it between all of us. We could see our happy, go lucky kids were experiencing conflict in their own happiness.

We put “ourselves” first taking weekends “off” but it wasn’t helping us. Our minds weren’t turning off. We weren’t allowing ourselves permission to relax, enjoy life, have personal time, be truly healthy.

Not only has this renovation experience been an incredible way to truly personalize OUR home and watch it as it transforms in front of our eyes. It’s been an incredible growth journey for all of us.

We could have built, yes, we could have. Thinking of that made me feel crazy anxious. Plus we love our property and are happy making this our own. This is what felt right in my heart.

I knew this would be challenging as well as a growth opportunity. Yes there have been many stressful days. So I told my kids the “kid version” of why. Yes mommy is ticked off, yes mommy feels like this is heavy, mommy is tired. It’s OK to feel sad, we will always have each other, patience is a virtue. To truly show our kids how important communication is. Couples, just like siblings and friends don’t always get along – but we make it work. The kids found this intriguing.

Married people can find marriage itself challenging, add on working, raising a family, housework, past challenges, money, bills… renovating! But we made a promise to each other, to our kids, it may not always be roses but WE will get through it!

What really hit me was a few weeks ago when we had a BBQ dinner with my parents and our kids at our house. Mom came and helped make dinner for us. When my boy said, “Wow mom I can’t remember the last time we had a nice dinner like this!”

He was right. 100% completely right.

We were eating “healthy” but we hadn’t had a sit down meal together at a table in a while. This was significant to our son. He values time together and this was a time he was missing.

By me allowing “this” to control how I was feeling, my kids were feeling just as bad, almost worst.

A couple weeks ago my girl asked me why she has felt so bad for the past month and no one else was. Around the time of the basement flooding. She had been feeling sick and lately was feeling more down, quiet and on edge.

Kids are so sensitive. So am I. I should have known if I was feeling this way they probably were too!

So we talked, she talked more and I simply listened. I made sure she knew this is normal, she wasn’t the only one and that she will be ok.

This was another eye opener for me. My kids need me, they need their mom! They need their dad. They need to know we’ve got their back and it’s OK to feel frustrated. It’s OK to need alone time. It’s OK to choose to do ‘nothing’ to rest our heart and mind.

About a month ago a child told me they thought my kids had such a better life than they did. Make you stop in your tracks heart breaking.

Even among the chaos we were living, feeling and wishing it was ‘over’, this was a happier view for someone else. It’s been tough but we all have had each other and we tell each other numerous times a day, I love you.

This past month has been a gift to us. For all of us. To adjust to a new way of living, in close quarters with little to no personal space – not by our choice.

Everyday is like a rose, so beautiful but sometimes a little more thorny than others ⚘.

Just as much as my hubby needs me and I need him. Our marriage deserves happiness, quality time, a beautiful space to raise our family.

We felt conflict.

We’ve grown immensely.

We will continue to grow and our home as well as our family, is as beautiful as we are divinely meant to be 💞

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