Feeling truly happy.
This Saturday while I was out shopping, Hubby surprised me by tackling the last step of our kitchen project and we got it finished by Saturday afternoon. I am SO thrilled with it! Such a small change but with an amazingly big impact. The best part is getting a new fridge that now matches our stove – yes that excites me, yes its very much a virgo thing. Today being home with the kiddos … I was able to tackle mount laundry – man does it feel good! Everyone has always told me whenever you move you should never make any changes for the first year you are living there, so true. We’ve been here just over a year and a half and I truly feel like we are just now beginning to make it our own. To truly find where things are falling into place and working for us.
I am the type of person who LOVES checking out all the home shows – Property Brothers is a fave of mine right now, or MLS to see the various houses for sale – love to see the layout and design or Pinterest – the ideas seem to be endless there. But Ive never been the crafty type person, ever. Which is why I am thankful I married a very handy man… his carpentry, hvac, electrical skills come in very handy.
However now that the kids are getting older and I am feeling better (most days) its amazing how much I can do myself. Ive always been very independent, there are lots of days hubs would come home to our 2 previous homes and find the furniture rearranged, again. However now its a different feeling, a very distinctly different feeling. A feeling of feeling truly settled and happy where we are and happy in my life. Perhaps it is because the kids are becoming more self sufficient every day, or that I do finally now have more energy (wow its such a great feeling), or that I am finally talking about my health and not feeling singled out, misunderstood, or crazy.
I am finally feeling ok to admit and speak out about my health, about why I cannot have this or that and not being ashamed to do so and ironically people are now understanding.
Not only that, I am feeling its ok to talk about our children, everyone always says kids develop and grow at different stages but there really isn’t a lot of people who will truly talk the truth and tell you how it really is, for them. We have our challenges, we have these challenges but overall we know we have amazing kids who have amazing qualities and personalities.
Our kids very much are spirited kids.
Not many know what this means, heck I didn’t until talking to our family doctor. However reading the book, within the first few pages I honestly had a huge sigh of relief.
Put the two together and Im sure me having my health issues, perhaps contributed to our kids being more sensitive and more high needs at times. They did not understand why mommy was in pain or not feeling good or upset. I really did try my best, much of their childhood is a slight blur, having kids just shy of 18 mths apart will do that. I am even more thankful for my camera during all those years. Many of my favourite photos during these years are still my favourites now. One of the reasons photography became my true passion. For the art of it and for the amazing everyday moments and memories I’ve captured. A very important thing for someone with PCOS, Endometriosis and Hypothyroidism, having a “hobby” that is truly yours you enjoy and can relax you. For me that is my photography.
Now that I am finally feeling better, now that we are all finally feeling “at home” in our “new” house we are all beginning to adjust much better. I am beginning to feel like I can give my kids more of the attention they need, especially now being in school. We are being much more hand’s on and finding that our kids thrive the most when our house is organized, when we are all comfortable.
A year and a half ago I underwent surgery to help with the pain I am in daily. Thankfully it was alleviated but has progressively been getting worse again. Do I regret the surgery… Not for a second. Do I wish I didn’t have to deal with pain. Yup. Funny though I was warned by a special woman we lost far too early who could truly sympathize with my pain, so similar it was almost scary. Pain that even after exercising, can be worse at times 😦
To be perfectly honest, Ive had difficulty talking about my own health issues and even going to others homes to eat, to this day I do not want to feel like I have to control the menu, however in order for me AND my family to be happy and healthy, I have to. I have to put myself first to be the woman I know I am, health issues and all, to be healthy and happy to help my children to grow to be healthy and happy. Its taken a lot, a LOT of personal reflection and of course support. Personal reflection and support to allow myself to do what’s right for me, without feeling bad for anyone else. Putting my needs first. When I can do this I can be a better mommy.
For all of us, especially me and the kids living an organized, low stress life is very important. The kids need their down time, I need mine as well. Relationships are huge for the kids, change is very difficult, especially change they do not understand or that doesn’t have any reason for happening. The kids can feel the slight bit of stress we may be feeling. They are little smartie pants and love to ask questions and always want to know why. Our boy is much like his mama and analyzes situations or problems.
Our life is no different than many others, in the big picture. Yes I can be in pain many days, some days are better than the other. Our kids can have challenging days. But what matters most is the love we share together and working as a team. Hubs and I working together and us working together with the kids. It’s not going to be an easy road, lord knows from almost day 1 of hubs and I being together we’ve had our share of issues, and we can do it. I can do it. I don’t need to feel embarrassed to talk about my own health or turn something down because it might offend someone. My health and my children’s wellbeing is the very most important and if reaching out and pouring more time within will help… I’m all for it.
Just need to remain positive! I would love to connect with other moms with my own health issues or mama’s parenting Spirited Children. They really are amazing 🙂