“Im scared…”

As a parent Im sure many of us have heard this, especially when it comes to bedtime and kids just do not want to go to bed. Since moving our kids adjusted so much better than what we thought they would – very different layout than our previous home – which was the only home they both truly knew.

However… Many nights after we complete our ritual bedtime which includes reading a book, tuck them in bed, hugs and kisses. Then we wait, its often a joke between us as we count down to see how quickly they or one of them yell for “MOMMY” or “DADDY” and then decide what it is they want.

The one they have been using lately is “Im scared” … because they “see” things or “hear” things. Truth be told they very well could be as our cat seems to like to jump into bed in the pitch black or search through things while knocking things over in her path.

However as a parent, as much as we would love to at times say to them “oh come on you know you are faking get back in bed” hahaha that just doesn’t work – you play the game ! We turn on the lights to show them their room is still the same, or scare the boogy man away (hey we’ve all run across our rooms to jump into bed so the boogy man didn’t get us – or made sure our legs and arms were completely IN the bed so they didn’t get touched – having a cat really can make you thankful for doing this haha!) and talk to them.

I remember one night being home alone at our old house, this was almost 3 years ago, actually it might be 3.5 years ago as Mady was a babe, hubby was gone for the weekend racing and I was home with both kids. I was sitting in the livingroom working on the computer on fall photos I had taken earlier that day of the kids. While sitting on the computer I heard this horrible noise below me – in the mechanical room, which also had a door to the backyard. I admit I was terrified. I was home alone and sat there thinking of all the horrible things that could be happening or who might be breaking in to get me and my kids! Of course our dog was not much of a help but at least he was by my side (under the desk). I messaged hubby he said to go down and check – yes I know thats what Im supposed to do… but “what if…” ah the dreaded what if…

I literally said to  myself “my god Pam YOU are the parent, YOU have to do this” . I did feel more comfortable in this house than I did our house on James street, perhaps because that house was over 120 years old, made noises with every move we made and more times than not I was hearing things. So I prepared myself. I stood up and said back to myself “Yes I CAN do this, I will do this and god help the person who *could* be down there”.

It turned out it was only our freezer…  our 3 year old stand up freezer and it was dying. The noise I was scared of was the compresser going in it. I knew it as soon as I walked into the mechanical room and heard it, even before I called my brother, the AC mechanic, who did confirm yes thats what it was. So I spent the next hour moving food around to try and salvage what was in there.

Before this weekend hubby hadn’t been away much, thankfully. If he had been away I made sure to have myself locked into the house and away from windows visible to the street – yes crazy sounding isn’t it but *someone* could be out there! LOL. In our last house this was quite easy to do with our kitchen at the back of the house, along with my desk at the back of the livingroom and the ability to get around to the stairs by going through the kitchen, around the hall and upstairs – you know to not be seen. I really should have just gotten blinds for our front windows but in the daylight I loved all the natural light coming in and well… I was never really settled there.

Hearing my kids say to me “Im scared” reminds me of this night… the night that the true mother and woman in me stood very tall and strong. The night that will always stand out to me as being the night I truly conquered my fears and a night I have never gone back on.

Ive always had a very strong and stubborn personality, but fears, yes of course – geez when we lived on James street and my parents house was broken into I immediately had a security system installed in our house. It was this night that October that my mother instincts truly took over and I honestly prepared myself to face whatever that noise could be – and I have never looked back.

Of course when the kids were born, even before they were born, my greatest fear was something happening to my family, yes that still very much is. However its been magnified x1 million times or more and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect them. I am no longer scared or nervous to be home alone, not scared to walk out into the dark, not scared when I hear a noise – more times than not I dont even bother waking hubby and I just go check for myself. The biggest thing is I am not scared to be alone. This is huge. All the years of living at my parents house, then in rez and then with hubby, buying our first house together was a huge step not only financially. All the nights that I looked to my husband for the strength and to tackle the fears – I could do it all on my own.

Becoming a mother has completely changed me as a woman. I have the soft and gentle side to meet the tender care and needs for our children, patience which goes such a loooong way, mommy time outs that are a must at times and Ive taken on this protective cover, no matter who, when or where – there is no fear! Why? Because its my natural instinct to protect our children, no matter what the situation. My family values have strengthened along with my respect and dedication. I stand up for what I believe in and have no fear of speaking my mind or voicing my opinion, especially where my family is involved. Being a mother has essentially forced me to face all and any fears I have had in my life and woman up to them and truly put into perspective what really matters.

This summer was another interesting time for me. Two days after moving we had to put our family dog down, who I had for 12 years. I had never lived without a dog – except when I was in rez and living with hubby (and never stayed alone there). Being in a new house, new noises, and in the country – all the more things to freak my mind out. But I didn’t let it. I couldn’t let it, for my kids sake. We did however agree that when the day came that we had to say good bye to our beloved family dog, we would get a puppy, and he most certainly is mommy’s protector – much like Elwood, if my husband is out, Becker is by my side.

So now when our kids come and say I am scared, I remind them of how big they are and how proud mommy and daddy are of them. Even if it is just me home, I always pump them up by saying mommy and daddy (this helps our daughter especially as she is big on “family”). After having a quick chat with them, rubbing their back and saying good night they have their confidence re-instilled and drift off to sleep.

As a mom it makes me feel so good to have this confidence and to teach it to my children to change

“Im scared… ”

to

“Nothing and nobody scares me!” 🙂

Categories LifeTags , , , , ,

Share some blog love...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close